Clickbait Astro Bros Get F**ked
notes on the Mars/Gemini conjunction & astrology for emergency times
This morning I woke up and did the thing no one should ever do upon waking: I looked at my phone.
Two messages. One conclusion.
Message One
In a hurried IG message, my friend Liz shared a medical GoFundMe for a fellow astrologer, “for our community to be aware of!”
I don’t know this person very well, but they’re a regular at our gatherings, so I made a small donation. That’s not a brag. That’s what you do. This person supports my events, so I support them to the best of my ability.
Message Two
Still sleepy and squinting from navigating my phone without glasses, I reluctantly opened message number two: a singular YouTube link from an astro acquaintance. No context. Just a sketchy looking link that I probably shouldn’t have opened.
And I kind of wish I hadn’t.
This was the last thing I want to look at in the morning, or ever: some know-it-all astrologer I hate, with his sidekick, telling me what every self-proclaimed town crier is shouting down the streets of social media: that this July 4th week is going to be big because the Uranus/Mars conjunction in Gemini, the American Revolution, blah, blah, blah.
He then proceeded to share that if I live in Los Angeles this is going to be extra big because something about the city’s Saturn Return return and geodetic lines.
The takeaway? Download their app.
Are you fucking serious?
They’re Not Wrong
Every astrologer I know has been bracing for July. But here’s the thing: if you’re getting on a mic to scare the masses with your doom predictions, you’re an asshole. But at least have the courtesy of sharing an app that’s useful.
If the revolution or natural disaster or whatever life changing question mark event you’re predicting is landing this weekend I want apps that tell me where to find food and water, the ones that tell me where the fires are and what roads to avoid.
More than that I want an emergency plan and an actual secure way to keep in touch with all my people. Paper notes anyone?
The last thing I want during any emergency is an astrology app.
Ok. But What Am I Doing?
At the beginning of Trump’s second term, I asked one of my best friends and lifelong journalist, Louis Aguilar, what I should be doing. His answer surprised me: “Keep gathering people in person.”
“Right now,” he continued, “people need each other more than ever.”
The Actual Takeaway
My mission this morning, before I got sidetracked by my phone-induced rage, was to write about LA Astro Fest. The essay I had in my mind was about how astrology happens in community, when people gather to discuss and debate ideas.
Turns out this is that essay.
This past week I had the privilege of gathering in rooms with a variety of astrologers, some like Gemini Brett and Cameron Allen who journeyed across state lines to be with us, and Rachel Lang, who drove out for the day because she had to get back to give a speech at Ojai Pride, because as vice mayor she has commitments to her community.
Over four days of programming, we heard from eleven speakers and eleven clowns, and while each of their workshops and performances are worthy of their own recap, in a way, none of that matters.
Last week a group of us gathered to learn astrology, but more than that, to share our knowledge and take care of each other.
Astrology In Action
Dr. Olomi opened the weekend with a reminder that cuts to the heart of why any of us do this: we predict the future so we can prepare for it. That idea carried through every room we shared over the days that followed.
At Friday night’s opening performance, we literally broke bread with donated loaves served by Reshma of Planets, Planets, Planets, one of the night’s performers. The bread went along with a pot of vegan corn chowder made earlier in the day by my friend Ryan, who came to my flat to chop, roast, and sweat peppers for a soup for no other reason than he’s my friend, and I needed help.
He then stepped up to serve the soup at the party even though he had bought a ticket because, again, that’s what friends do.
To repeat a phrase I drop in every other essay these days: you don’t need to be an astrologer to know that we’re at a turning point in history.
And you don’t need an astrologer to tell you the way forward.
As to what happens next, I have no idea.
What I know for sure is that the people I practice astrology with are people I know I can count on in an emergency, and that’s more valuable than any prediction.
Stay safe, but more importantly, stay close.
Vivi
If you’re looking for a group of likeminded astro seekers, Club Astro is your place!
We meet weekly to explore the sky in real time and make sense of what is unfolding in our lives and in the collective. This is your chance to ask me questions about your chart, share stories, and connect with a cohort of fellow astrologers.
Club Astro members also get exclusive perks:
Discounted astrological readings & mentorship
Secret invites
Discounted tickets to the Los Angeles Astro Salon and the LA Astro Fest.
Our next gathering is Thursday, July 1st, at 7pm EDT / 4pm PDT.
Further Reading
Is Astrology Moving Out of Fashion? And Why Maybe That's A Good Thing.
Earlier this week I found myself captured by a clickbaity anti-astrology piece. I won’t bother mentioning it, or go into too many details, because quite frankly it was lazy reporting that suffered from the same cultural insensitivity it accused astrology of, but it did make a point worth sitting with: that astrology is limiting and unjust.